Fatwas and Kelly Clarkson

There comes a time when the assumed “clash of civilizations” reaches a critical mass point of tragic silliness for which it seems the only satisfactory recourse is to hide one’s face in shame and loathing.

For some, that moment arrived with the Valentine’s Day fatwa issued against Salman Rushdie in 1989. Others will cite the 2007 incident in Sudan when British schoolteacher Gillian Gibbons was convicted for “inciting hatred” after daring to allow young students to name a classroom teddy bear “Muhammad.” For me, the last straw was piled on this past week, with a double-whammy of fanatical, masturbatory, pop-culture-hatred stupidity.

First, South Park took a modestly plucky hit for animated free expression. The latest two-part episode, which took generous shots at many of the series’ past targets (A-list personalities, historical religious figures, dead celebrities, know-nothing politicos), once again examined the high merit of caricaturing the Muslim prophet. As part of the running satirical prods, a van, a black, rectangular censor obstruction, and a cushy, huggable bear costume alternately shielded the image of Muhammad. Almost before you could pronounce the first two syllables of “blasphemy,” the New York-based Islamist hate-cluster Revolution Muslim posted this Web entry:

“We have to warn Matt and Trey that what they are doing is stupid and they will probably wind up like Theo Van Gogh for airing this show. This is not a threat, but a warning of the reality of what will likely happen to them.”

As a cheeky response to the extremist outrage, the second South Park installment had the word “Muhammad,” along with other stretches of dialogue, resolutely bleeped out altogether.

The second occurrence of the past week presented itself in a statement I never thought I’d be disheartened to read: a Kelly Clarkson live gig might get cancelled. 

Muhammadiyah, an influential Islamic educational and social group active in Indonesia, stated that an upcoming Clarkson concert in Jakarta is prohibited under Islamic law due to the fact that a tobacco company is sponsoring the show. One of the organization’s leaders, Yanuar Ilyas, explained that the concert thus fell under the rubric of a past anti-smoking fatwa.

As purely a matter of musical taste, I wholeheartedly align myself with efforts to vanquish Kelly Clarkson. However, this is achievable through simply knifing my car radio whenever her songs reemerge onto the airwaves, or by peacefully spreading E. coli rumors about her live performances. Generally, I prefer things I dislike to disappear by means of something a little more civilized than religious edicts and illiberality.

These two fairly quiet, as-of-yet nonviolent offenses are potent examples of the perniciousness of godly, pious philistinism. They embody the outermost pettiness, cultural irrelevance, and intellectual atrophy of people who think the heavens have the final say in what we watch, say, study, consume, promote, and taste. The expression of civil society requires unvarying safeguards, and surely that applies to the freedom of speech and choice of Comedy Central satirists and (quite regrettably) nettlesome “American Idols” who indirectly promote Southeast Asian chain-smoking habits.

Much like their co-thinkers and the likeminded bullyboys who came before them, whether one examines the “legacy” of Pol Pot or Uday Hussein, crusades against such expression are both self-eradicating and self-defeating. And with the self-discrediting cycle of their actions and methods, these types of fanatics and modern-day totalitarians can’t be more than a rung away from consigning themselves to the brimming dustbin of history.